Hex was set up at MegaCon 2012 three tables south of John Beatty and I. As you can see from the photo, Hex is a big guy. When in character, as he was for MegaCon, Hex speaks in a deep, booming Russian voice. Imagine a mean, angry Cossack’s thunderous voice and then think a little scarier.
The other guy in the photo is Mitch Hyman. Mitch is a funny guy. If he heard me say that, Mitch would say something like, “Yeah, but looks aren’t everything.” Mitch is a much smaller guy than Hex. Oh, and Mitch had never met or even seen Hex before.
So it’s early on Saturday and Mitch is telling Beatty and I one of his many humorous stories when Mitch says something about his Russian grandma’s beard — and follows that up with something to the effect of, “You know all Russian women have beards.”
I say, “Hey Mitch! You better be careful what you say about Russian women and beards.”
Mitch questions a look at me and says, “Yeah? Why’s that?”
Perfect, he’s given me my in. “Because if the BIG RUSSIAN GUY hears you, he might take offense.”
Mitch cracks a smile, thinking I’m joking and replies, “Let him take offense. I’ll kick his *** if he doesn’t like it.”
Mitch replies, “Really” and looks at me like it’s my move.
So while returning Mitch’s stare, I yell: “Hey BIG RUSSIAN GUY!”
On cue, Hex rises to his full height, raises his arms in the air and yells in that booming, scary Cossack voice: “Vhat?”
The look on Mitch’s face is priceless. There is no way that Mitch believed that there was a Russian around, much less a BIG RUSSIAN GUY who might be angry about his comment. Mitch immediately says to me, “Don’t get me in trouble with this guy.”
Ignoring Mitch, I instead point to him and yell to the BIG RUSSIAN: “This guy says that all Russians are…”
Mitch quietly says to me, “Zablo, don’t get my butt kicked.”
I continue: “...SISSIES!”
With that Hex, in character roars: “RUSSIANS are not SISSIES!” and he begins stomping down to our table. Mitch goes paler, if you can believe that. Hex stomps down to the table. For a split second Mitch stands frozen in his spot staring up at the huge angry Russian. Then we all have a good laugh and I get them to pose for photos.